Since the time of Archimedes, human history has acknowledged six simple machines, basic tools designed to advance our lots. But in 2014, no tool proved simpler and more efficient in the production of sublimation, denial and self-sustaining garbage than our conservative media. Here were its highest achievements.
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, whose health officials held an Ebola-free nurse from Maine in quarantine against her will after she arrived from Africa on Friday, told media at a campaign stop in Florida that "when she has time to reflect, she'll understand" why she was deprived of her freedom in the Garden State.
There is an Ebola vaccine that is 100 percent effective on monkeys. It has sat on a shelf, untested and unavailable to humans, for nearly a decade, while thousands of Africans died of the virus, because drug research is expensive and who's gonna pay Big Pharma for all that risk? Dying Africans? It's market economics, people.
Ron Klain, the White House's new "Ebola Czar," is not a doctor. But he is a Democratic staffer. Who once offered a soundbite on the problems of overpopulation in an interview with his college alumni office. Do I have to spell it out for you? Fine. But first, grab some provisions and head to the fallout shelter.
"And now, for 'My Take™.' So: Should we trust the government to keep us all safe from Ebola?" With these words, Fox News head-on-a-stick Gretchen Carlson offered 56 seconds' worth of historic, Brobdingnagian "Take™," replete with Obamacare IRS Secret Service Benghazi, does she have to spell it out for you.