We live in a world with walls. And those walls have to be guarded. Who's gonna do it? You, Barracks Hussain Obummer? Of course not. You can't even extend the slightest of courtesies to America's Guardians™ when their love stands, like a wall, between you and your dumb 16th-hole sextuple-bogey play-through.
From Bloomberg Politics' Michael Bender comes the story of how a feckless dictator usurped all the fecks of "Natalie Heimel and her fiancé, Edward Mallue Jr., a pair of captains in the Army," last Saturday; Captains Heimel and Mallue, heroes in a freedom-loving fighting force that never retreats, now forced to retreat from their dreams of marrying on the 16th tee at the Kaneohe Klipper Golf Course on Marine Corps Base Hawaii, under new and barely constitutional orders from their commandante-in-chief: "President Barack Obama wanted to play through."
That's right, a tyrant's leisure-time celebration of ancient Hibernian sport and classism trumped the meager personal needs of America's lovestruck Spartan lifegivers, even after they made every attempt to pay the rascal his regal tribute:
It was the second time that day that the couple heard from the nation's commander in chief, whose affinity for golf has, at times, caused political headaches for the White House. Stationed in Hawaii and knowing the president spends his Christmas holiday on the islands, they invited him to their ceremony on a lark. They had received a letter earlier on Saturday saying Obama regretted he couldn't come and wishing them happiness on their wedding day.
"It was kind of ironic they got the letter from them and then, within hours, they were told they had to be moved due to him," Jamie McCarthy, Mallue's sister, said in an interview. "It was emotional, especially for her—she's the bride and in less than 24 hours they had to change everything they had planned."
When made aware of the conflict, Obama called the bride to make sure she wouldn't go all mockingjay on his Panem patoot.
But like the stoic troopers they are, Heimel and Mallue adapted and improvised. Their ever-vigilant wedding caterer executed a flanking maneuver, moving the captains to an emplacement with "an elevated view near the 16th hole," because they understood that it's no use trying to take that hill when the forces of Kenyan socialist Islamism are stacked against you.