Someday, friend-shooting mountain warlord Dick Cheney is going to unzip his skin and Andy Kaufman will leap out. Until then, we can enjoy his slapstick apocalyptic-shaman shtick, like this interview yesterday in which he vacillated "between the various theories" on why Barack Obumbler is so weak and evil.
The ostensible purpose was to plug the Cheneys' upcoming book, Exceptional: Why the World Needs a Powerful America, but how could they focus on something so crass as book sales when the earth's existence was threatened by Odumbo's dastardly plan to give Iran nukes and surrender Old Glory to the mullahs?
Confronted with a clip of Hussein Obummer warbling his weak song—"I think it's important to note that Iran's a complicated country, just like we're a complicated country"—the freedom hawks swooped in to drop some exceptionalist guano on their enemies' pate. Liz went first:
I cannot even imagine an American president saying any sentence that has Iran in it and says they're just like us. I mean, it's just outrageous… for this president to be in a situation where he's aligning our policies with those of Iran is just breathtaking and really shameful.
Father Dick then explained his theory that every other president, Democrat or Republican, for the past 70 years, has believed America should be the strongest military power in the world:
The first president who does no longer believe that fundamental truth is Barack Obama… It's a mark of the weakness of this president.
"This is one of the most radical regimes in history... who are sworn to destroy Israel… shouting 'death to America," Dick said of Iran:
"Totally radical regime… and Obama's about to give 'em nuclear weapons."
Why was Brak Husayn Obilbobaggins so eager to blow Liberty Central to kingdom come? Dick couldn't decide, but the consequences were clear:
I vacillate between the various theories I've heard, but you know, if you had somebody as president who wanted to take America down, who wanted to fundamentally weaken our position in the world and reduce our capacity to influence events, turn our back on our allies and encourage our adversaries, it would look exactly like what Barack Obama's doing. I think his actions constitute in my mind those of the worst president we've ever had.
Dick and Liz Cheney, ladies and gentlemen! Or as they're known outside the Beltway:
[ Photo credit: AP Images]