Mike Huckabee Tells Patriots: Don't Join Military Until Obama's Gone

In 2007, folksy war addict Mike Huckabee told Meet the Press viewers that it’s dangerous “to oppose a sitting commander in chief while we’ve got people being shot at on the ground.” But it’s election time! So now, willing Americans, stay out of the military until you have a commander in chief that pleases Huck. » 4/20/15 2:16pm Yesterday 2:16pm

Dumb Marco Rubio Has a Dumb Plan to Expand Gitmo, Torture More Folks

Desperate to stand apart from the pack and court soccer moms with a thirst for waterboarding, future presidential also-ran Marco Rubio staked out a remarkable policy position on day one of his campaign: He'd grow the detainee population at Guantánamo and "aggressively" pump prisoners for intelligence. » 4/15/15 1:58pm Wednesday 1:58pm

Navy Builds Ship For F-35, Ship Needs Months Of Upgrades To Handle F-35 

The Navy’s USS America, the first of her class, was controversially optimized to handle the F-35, leaving out the multi-purpose well deck traditionally found on ‘Gator Navy’ flattops. Now, just months after her commissioning, she already needs 40 weeks of upgrades just to handle the very aircraft she was designed for. » 4/14/15 12:30pm 4/14/15 12:30pm

Update: Tom Cotton Is Not Real

Last week, we posed a question. This week, we have an answer: "Senator Tom Cotton," Republican of Arkansas, is in fact not a natural human organism, but a hybrid experiment in which the brain of German general Erich Friedrich Wilhelm Ludendorff has been grafted onto the frame of a pugnacious giraffe. » 4/13/15 11:39am 4/13/15 11:39am

Bush Officials ​Screwed Up FBI's Case Against Blackwater, Emails Show

Why did it take the federal government so long to prosecute the Blackwater contractors who shot up a Baghdad square in 2007, killing and maiming scores of Iraqis? Because investigators were trying to wait out the Bush administration, which wanted to go easy on the killers, recently unearthed documents show. » 4/13/15 10:19am 4/13/15 10:19am

How Washington State Could Turn Aircraft Carriers Into Bridges

Washington State just received federal funds to study a totally unique toll bridge concept, one made out of decommissioned US Navy Super Carriers. The bridge would consist of two or three carriers and would link Bremerton and Port Orchard, Washington, spanning the Sinclair Inlet. » 4/10/15 1:45pm 4/10/15 1:45pm

The US Just Held Long-Range Bomber Drills Over An Area Russia Wants

Two pairs of B-52H Stratofortress bombers, from Barksdale AFB and from Minot AFB, streaked north last week on a long-range exercise dubbed “Polar Growl.” One set of bombers would end up over the far reaches of the North Sea, while the other would cruise high above the Polar Icecap, both areas where Putin's Russia is… » 4/09/15 4:21pm 4/09/15 4:21pm

The FBI Lets Criminals Walk in Order to Keep This Device a Secret

The Federal Bureau of Investigation is notoriously secretive about its cell phone tracking tools known as Stingrays. Now, new documents obtained by the ACLU show how the Feds keep their surveillance gadgets shrouded in mystery: the FBI makes cops dismiss criminal cases if they threaten to reveal secrets about… » 4/09/15 4:21pm 4/09/15 4:21pm

Dick Cheney: Obama "Worst President" Ever, Wants "to Take America Down"

Someday, friend-shooting mountain warlord Dick Cheney is going to unzip his skin and Andy Kaufman will leap out. Until then, we can enjoy his slapstick apocalyptic-shaman shtick, like this interview yesterday in which he vacillated "between the various theories" on why Barack Obumbler is so weak and evil. » 4/08/15 4:13pm 4/08/15 4:13pm

Spying on the U.S. Submarine That Spies For the NSA and CIA

23

Everyone saw the USS Annapolis come home last year. It returned, poignantly, on Sept. 11, and there was a seriousness amid the usual dockside fanfare—sailors meeting newborn children for the first time, a school band playing "Anchors Aweigh." But there was no mention of the boat's secret missions. » 4/07/15 11:28am 4/07/15 11:28am

Hey Taxpayer, Here's That $400,000 Fighter-Pilot's Helmet You Ordered

Jet jockeys gotta be able to see. I mean, once their jet gets off the ground, which the F-35 will, eventually, at some point in the next two decades, after 19 years and a trillion or so dollars in development. In the meantime, check out this boss helmet for F-35 pilots that costs about as much as a city in South Dakota » 4/06/15 1:03pm 4/06/15 1:03pm

What is Covenant Guard?

This is the first item in what will become a regular feature on Phase Zero. We'll be posting previously unpublished codenames that refer to secret programs, organizations, and activities. And we'll try to divine from limited information what they might be. If you have new information (or codenames of your own) to… » 4/02/15 3:55pm 4/02/15 3:55pm

Cops Watched This Crazy Al Pacino Supercut Before Busting Up Protesters

Via our friends at Ratter, here's "A Very Powerful Police Video" that made the rounds among California Highway Patrol officers getting "up" to break protests in the East Bay late last year. "Motivational" videos aren't new in military and cop circles, but they never get any smarter. Send us your best in comments. » 4/02/15 2:21pm 4/02/15 2:21pm

The FBI Has Its Own Secret Brand of Malware 

It’s not only digital criminals who like to secretly infect people’s computers with invasive malware. In fact, the FBI likes malware so much, it created its own special brand. We don’t know much about it, but now that the US Department of Justice is pushing for policy changes that’ll allow the FBI to install spyware… » 4/02/15 1:36pm 4/02/15 1:36pm

The U.S. Is Going to War Tomorrow at This Fancy Pacific Beach Resort

17

On April 2, the United States is invading the nation of Isla del Sol. Marines and special forces will lead a coalition of 27 nations against organized Islamic terrorists who control the Pacific nation and its Shell Oil wells. And according to internal documents obtained by Gawker, the war will be over by next weekend. » 4/01/15 4:27pm 4/01/15 4:27pm